The 5 most colorful years of my life!!

How do I start? Where do I start?

5 years ago, this time ( 12 50 am IST) I was sitting in the train from Coimbatore back to Chennai. Suddenly I heard this voice, which said, "Preethi, tour epdi irundhudhu?" (Preethi how was the tour?).. Well I knew the guy's name was Vishnu, and nothing else apart from that..He was a classmate, just a classmate, and I knew why he was talking to me. He had a friend who supposedly liked me and I could feel them walking behind me all the time in the tour. Ok, so this was his first move. I retorted curtly "Ya, good". He was quite embarassed, but he decided not to stop it there.. "Vara maaten nu sonna?" ( U said u wudnt cum?) and I was like "Vandhuten, so?" (I came, so?).. This was the last straw, he said ok and turned away. After that, a week, or even 2 weeks, no talks.
Suddenly one day in the lunch break, he came to me and said " Have u gotten ur tour pics developed?".. Now this was weird. I dint click a picture of him or anything, y would he bother. I said no and stopped the conversation. The next day, to his shock, I walked up to him and said "Vishnu, could u pls give me ur fone number? I need to speak to you".. He was taken aback..He was full of questions. Ok, what is she gonna talk to me, whats her problem..but still he gave me the number. I called him in the nite and said " I received this e-mail that had a ppt which spoke to how much that person was in luv with me and also abt vasanth".. I paused..and said "U knw that everyone thot I had an affair with him right?"- Now he dint know what to react.. Saying a Yes wud confirm that there was an affair, saying a no wud show its a blatant lie.. He stammered.. I said "Anyway, so it had a carbon copy to an id with ur name in it.. I was wondering if you knew who did it?" He said "No, I am totally unaware of it.Could you tell me the id pls". And after I said, he said "Yeah tats my ID, but I donno anything abt it". I said "Fine, thanks bye" and cut the call. I went online (my house had a dial up connection then) and he had been trying to reach me for 2 hrs and then reached me and said "Ok, let me tel u the truth. There's this friend of mine, who's mad abt u . It cud be him". I said "Oh cool" and he explained abt the whole love story to me. I said Pls ask your friend not to do such things its never going to happen. And that was the beginning, We had officially started talking to each other.
A month passed by. He came home, with his friend who was in luv with me . I still dint have a proper comfort level with him and so, dint talk much. Introduced him to my best friend Aishwarya, and they got close, really close. I even thought they would end up being together one day.
Days passed, and aish and he got more close. And then one day, aish told me "Vishnu s in luv with u".. I dint want to digest that fact cos I had started looking at him as a good friend and so, I told her, dont tel him I knw this ( quite cunning of me)
After 2 months, he invited me home. I had never ever been to any guy's home before that ( dint ve any guy- friends) and felt a lil uncomfortable. But ya, obviously, he had invited Aish too and we went to his place. His family was so beautiful-Mom, Dad,Paati,brother, one nice oonjal.. a traditional home. His mom was so so sweet and she said " Vishnu idhuku munaadi oru ponna ipdi kootindu vandhadhe ila"... !! and he dropped me back in the railway station by bike. My first ever bike ride with a guy. That day, I noticed a change within myself. I actually liked being with this fellow. When the train started, I peeped out only to notice that he was still waiting and looking too. It was something new, something really new..But I didnt say anything...
He was really really close with aish and used to go out with her all weekends(almost). One such weekend, they went shopping and came back to Mc.Rennett, a cake shop near my home- they called me there. I went ( for the cake) and on way back, suddenly, he held my hands n said "I luv u".. Palaaar- I gave a tight slap and said who the hell r u to touch me? And made it an issue! But that is my most memorable evening until today, cos the luv that I saw in his eyes that evening, I feel I wud never never see it again..
It just went on and on and after a year, I started realizing that I was getting possessive if he was being with aish. I cried and I fought and fought and fought..But he said "Ur not anything to me, y do u rule me"..thats it..I had to maintain my ego..I stopped saying anything after that..but...it just resurfaced and one fine day I had to yell and fight and accept finally that I was in luv with him..
From then till now, we have had countless arguments ( we have a minimum of 1 eeveryday), sometimes we talk of breaking up..Sometimes we dont talk for 3-4 months at a stretch..He gave me back for that tight slap ( he gave 3-4 extra)..I ve tortured him so much.. But beyond all this, there's something that binds us together.. We ve reached a point wherein we ve thought that being together is gng to make our lives hell, but we ve realized that it is that hell we actually NEED in life..And it is that HELL which actually makes our life wat it is.. And anything beyond that hell is just voidity..Vishnu means the world to me..my happiness, sorrow, friend, enemy,irritant, pacifier everything..And I'm happy.. I'm happy that I have him, and I am thankful to him for the 5 most beautiful years of my life so far..I am happy for the 10 rs ring that he proposed to me with, after 4 years of being together, the garfield that he searched for all over chennai, the keyboard that brings me joy every single day, the number of cards that miserably fail trying to completely explain what he has for me, his birthday surprises that he tries to keep guessing, the 17 mile drive that was planned jus for me, the lovely walks in boat club area, the rain walk in besant nagar beach, the car driving lessons, the bike lessons, the way he calls me right after he wakes up, the pizza that he made for me, the doctor visits when I thot I was going mad, the countless other things that wud never fit in anywhere...and for just the way he calls me "Preethu".. I LOVE U VISHNU..AND WILL DO SO, FOREVER...

P.S: The whole post is in RED cos its his favorite color!

Absolute Insanity..Total Randomness...Worthless effort..

Sometimes I wonder why the heck did I cum here..Half way across the world..Feels totally Unpurposeful.. I have listened to Uravugal Thodarkadhai a million times, Kodai kaala kaatre another million times and anoushka's sitar in between..And feelin sad n out of place( well actually i am out of place, my place is forever chennai).. Days like these slap me right across my face and say "U knw wat? Ur ALONE".. I feel like getting away with this truth, but I dont know how..I know I havent come this far without any reason ( definitely my reason isnt engineering or america, its sumthin else abt which I ll blog once i am done with it, probably in another 3-4 yrs :P )..But...is this reason gud enuf to leave appa, amma, paati, priya, subbu, gangotree, bessi beach, sarada koil, t nagar, car, my dio, jo kutti, tirusulam station and the 1000 other things that actually make my life? Shit! Days like these laugh at me sarcastically and say "Isnt it funnnn to be confined to a rectangle in a room and seeking pleasure in a laptop, watching youtube all day"..Arghhh, get way u evil face..Sometimes I feel I am not "living" my life..Wen its morning, I wait for it to become night, and when its night I sleep and it automatically becomes morning..I feel like I am chasing days and nights and not living through them..Like I think I did, in Chennai..Again the evil face pops up, but this time in a more concerned tone " Are u sure ur doing the right thing? Or do u just want to drop all this and run away back home?" and I am like Ohh plss I dont even have sumone to express this to..Sometimes I am the laughing stock..Cos, my friends brand me "perpertually homesick" and one who s very sissy abt appa all the time.. Well, I dont mind..That''s me for u..Do I sound like a grumpy person? Well, may be..U know I have changed topsy turvy after coming here, I was never this grumpy in Chennai...Wat??Nambalaya, ok get lost.. :( .. Arghhh..Days like these, when I blog abt absolute crap.. Exactly, ur right..it appears to say "Do u even read wat u write before clicking publish?? U mad woman, get try to get back to ur senses" and I confront it and say "Just get lost, I knw how to kill time, am an expert at it now, I don want ur f****** suggestions.." And it knws that I ve reached limits of insanity for the day.. Finally I break down into tears ( not jus tears veel veel nu azhugai) and woah now it says "Preethu, idhuvum kadandhu pogum, u ll be fine sweetheart..U havent made any wrong decision..U ll not regret in future, U ll be back to chennai very soon and live in t nagar with appa amma paati, U ll drive ur car to bessi yelling at 1000 ppl on the way even if u make the mistake, eat 1 vadapav everyday, sit for hours together at sarada koil jus cos u wanted to meet her ..But when the time comes for to u do all this, appa ll be proud of wat ur.." and I rush to dial to appa..

Small Wonders!!

It is so amazing how little things make u SMILE , and somehow, today, while enjoying one such moment, I decided to blog about it..

-> My boss at work, the Director of the design group, saw me leaving work and came out of his room and said he would drop me since it was raining..Well, thats not the cute part... I dint know whether I should say Yea or No and he was like "Like ur taxi wallas, if am pronouncing it right.."..Oh my god!! That was cute!

-> I was coming back in the train and there was this real cute kid, a gal, all dressed in pink and her skin was also pinkish. She had a wound on her knee and her parents had put a band-aid over it and the band aid had DORA on it :) !!

-> There was this geeky looking guy, all in formals waiting in the rain to go for a baseball match with his GF, who had an umbrella and when she said "Here hold it" , he held it for her!! Soo cute!!!

-> I was getting wet and rushing back home and suddenly realized- After all those months of irritating snow, snow jacket and chilly weather, I was getting drenched!! After a long time, in RAIN! I started enjoying it!! And was thoroughly enjoying the rain the way I do in Chennai in my flat teracce!

-> I got my /hr pay for my Summer Internship raised by 1.5$ and my dad said "Wow, that makes up for half the fare for ur Chennai trip!" - Appa, ur too cute!

-> I always used to wonder why this particular professor's office was always open. He s about 80-85 and everytime I c him , am reminded of my thatha, but I found it weird that he alwayss had his Office open. The other day, when I was rushing to get my CPT formalities done, and when I realized my advisor was out of country and I had to get it signed from sumone before 11 ( I realized at 9 30), I knocked on the doors of all the professors that I took classes with. None of them were available and this Prof, who never knows me, whose door is always open signed it for me without even verifying my docs!!

-> I was talkin to Priya over the phone and her mom took the phone from her and said "Enna di Preethi, eppo dhan di varuva" in such an un-fake ( well, I dint want to use the word true) tone, which was amazingly cute!!!

->I made rava kesari that day and Amit tasted it and said "Agar vishnu nahi hota tho....." and completed it in a Cute way!!

-> I met my 10th Std Classmate here at Minneapolis and he happens to be my friend's roommate for the Summer and coincidentally, the day when we were all having together, both of made Brinjal ( Mine was better though :P )

-> I had one of my interviews at 1 pm and my Paati was awake telling budhirbalam at 11 30 pm in Chennai! God, she's too cute!!

-> I had another interview from 10 am - 3 pm and returned home by 4 30 pm, to find my dad ping me at 5 pm ( 3 30 am in Chennai) saying " say y/n feelin sleepy" and the moment i said "yes pa" he said "congrats bye" :) :) :)

->My brother is my mentor. He does everything for me and advises me in every aspect of my life and the other day he said " u ve gained some good professional qualities..good" and I was like HAPPY!

-> I went shopping alone for the first time in my life. I have never been to an apparel store alone without priya or amma to select my own stuff. For the first time, I selected my own stuff ! Initially felt a lil weird, but then felt nice n different!

-> I came across this College tour pics, which Priya n I thought were lost and saw all the crazy things we did in the 10 day tour! Shit!The most happiest period of my life was my final yr in College!!

I gotto start voice chatting now, so shall post later!

A letter to thatha.....

Thatha,

Its been a year..Since u passed away..its been exactly a year...I cant believe how time flies...I cant forget any instant of this day...Getting back from Work, the way I saw u with eyes closed, mouth open, without any movement..The way paati applied viboodhi to ur forehead( I have never seen u without that thatha) and telling me not to worry.. I remember how i touched u...how cold u were...and how i felt after that... I buried myself in appa's chest... I remember how ppl carried u into the hall... I remember how much it pained..it still pains..to think of how u were lifted like an object...I remember how there was a glass case over ur body..thatha..tat night I didnt sleep.. I kept walking around u and touching u..not u..the glass...and in between I thought u breathed.. I felt like screaming"my thatha s still with me, lift the glass box"..but...the instant when i put vaaikarisi in ur mouth was the worst moment of my life so far...How many days u have fed me...how many days...rasam sadham, tirunelveli halwa...and all i fed u was raw rice....

Ur completely n my heart..everytime I c ur face on my laptop, I kiss u..again not u...the monitor.... I love u for wat u were to me...and as I promised last year this day in my blog post, I am being gud to ppl thatha.. I didnt hurt anyone, I am spending time for everyone..I am trying to make ppl happy through every small thing I can... I learnt the value of LIFE and relationships from you... I am trying to be gud to all...and I am trying not to lose anyone because of my ill behaviour...And dont worry abt paati.. I am being very nice to her..

Thatha, ur varushaabdikam happened at home 15 days back.. I couldnt push a minute here..my mind was immersed in ur thots...I called home so many times... I felt so left out... so  left out...Appa said it went on well...Appa would have been terribly upset...Felt really bad that I couldnt be with him...

I love u thatha...for all that u did when u were physically alive..and for all that u ve taught me...in ur after life... 

I really really miss u...and will...forever...the wound is fresh and the pain is deep....LUV U THATHA...

Ur loving grand-daughter,

Preethu.

Highlights!!

Ahh here am back, to give sum interesting highlights abt last 1 month here...

1. Puliyodarai has been made more number of times in my house than in any temple across the world..
2. Grand sweets , adyar has opened a branch at minneapolis, in our house....
3. I need to cal my brother to remind him tat he has a sis...
4. My dad has found perfect reasons for cutting cals...its always" i am feeling sleepy bye" or "u go sleep bye"
5. My culinary skills ve improved manifold, or probably my gustative skills ve decreased manifold..
6.when i started, priya wanted me home soon, now she wants a "BAG"( yeah she's given all specifications) home at the earliest...
7.U of M is as good as Sairam, there teachers dint know anything, i dint know anythin...here profs know sumthin still i dont know anything...
8. I make smoothies for a living( for those of u who dont know wat smoothies are, take 3 measures oramge juice, 1 measure curd, half measure sugar and fruits of ur choice and sum ice and blend it...believe me, its supoosed to taste gud)...and i have had many gud compliments:D the other day sumone said"this is the best smoothie i ever had" and i was like "wat??:O" and then there was this guy who wanted a photograph of me ( i wonder he was goin to file sum attempt to murder case with a photo proof) and 2day there was this guy who had 4 glasses( god take care of him )....
9. i got a laptop and it luks like am using it only to chat, take pics and ofcourse blog...
10. i don grumble to make my own coffee now...may be cos it tastes gud or maybe cos i don ve any other go
11. important- my work(making smoothies) starts at 6 45 am...for all my bus mates and classmates who r shocked abt how i manage to reach on time-...i dont reach on time...am minimum 10 mins late...cos its very cold and i don ve a bus...i walk like a steam engine...with smoke cumin outta my mouth ha ha ha...

more to cum...BRB:)

My first day in US of A

I blog only wen I feel I should really blog about something. So long gaps are quite common:)

My first day at USA is something I really cant forget. Boarding the flight at 1:45 AM from Chennai Airport , controlling a lot of tears and saying a bye with a smile to my ppl and the place I lived in for 22 years for obviously not one of the most nicest things, I shud say..It was my first hurdle in reaching USA.. and I crossed it, with a sleepless flight and lot of tears...

Landing at Frankfurt, the only thing on my mind was to call home, hear amma's voice,and I rushed towards the phone with a calling card..When I boarded the next flight to chicago, I was in a half-dozed state with a serious inability to sleep and stay awake. It was the worst 8 hrs in my life...and to top it all, the pilot gave us jitters when he moved thru the clouds giving the flight a wild shake and a sudden vertical descent, all of us thot it was the end and there were loud prayers in the flight..After safe(!)landing at chicago, my mind woke up, as I had to get ready for immigration and customs(kashtams:( )and so I got a little active.

after that was theUnited airlines security check to get to minneapolis. I am quite an idiot and i left my belt in my cabin baggage. the metal detectors happily beeped and I was done for..suddenly there were 4-5 officers surrounding a sleepy me and wearing glovesto check my bag with a "dont move anywhere madam" on their lips...goddd...everything was taken out of my bag and I had a tough time arranging it again........amidst all this i had to keep my passport, tickets, i-94, i-20 and so many other craps safe...after boarding the UA flight, I prayed for a succesful landing as I dint want to be suspected for any terrorist activity...uffffff tough times...

After reaching minneapolis at 6:35, I made a call to my family, my throat choked with emotions, dryness and a lot of phlegm and spoke to them. I was clearly resonating and went to sleep...

Suddenly,Passport has become the most important thing in life! there's nobody to care,nobody to bring food to ur bed and comp, no lazing around...itsmy first week, and so i depend on everyone for things like laptops and groceries, to be independent...everythin including money, fear, doubts, helplessness has multiplied by 40, and I am sure self-confidence too will, in a few weeks:)

Though the idea of studying in USA may be a dream come true, facing the first day,week,month watever until u find a job to support urself independently is a big hassle......for all those of u who's gonna face it sooner or later,All the best! Happy landing!

I miss u thatha

I miss u thatha....
Right from the instant i was born, u ve known me, seen me growing up..I remember those times when i used to play with ur shaven head...wen u used to carry us for evening walks..those times wen u used to return from work wearing a white shirt white veshti carrying a black bag under ur arms. We used to await ur arrival outside the flat and u used to buy my favorite halwa...those times wen u used to cum up 3 floors to rams flat to celebrate anna's and ur birthday on 31st august...those times wen u used to teach me to brush and the way u used to clean up the bathrooms wenever i cum for a stay...those times wen all of us used to fite for sleeping next to u on the bed and wen we used to drink water only from ur jug...numerous aavani avittam and diwali celebrations..those times wen u wud tel me stories of ur meet with gandhiji...

And suddenly u became immobile...got confined to a room...brought in so much of a gap between us...we spent less time with each other...u started asking me if i am free so that u can cure ur boredom by narrating ur past adventures...u got frustrated of ur sickness and ur immobility and now u lie before me...physically lifeless....with the same charming look that brought smiles on our face all those years...

U taught me one great thing...Life s really short...There's really no use crying for ur luved ones after their life if u cant be with them through their life... I really repent for all those hurting words tat i may have uttered which u mite have carried with u till the end...the past 6 yrs wen i did not spend enough time for u.. I swear i wouldn do this to another person...never hurt anyone knowingly...i ll learn to spend time for my luved ones... i ll do all that i can to make others happy...

If anyone's reading this...pls take it to ur heart...whether u like them or not...spend time for ur ppl...ur grandpa grandma mom dad aunt uncle cousins friends....cos u surely know that they ve been a part of ur evergreen memories...the least u can do is to be a part of their's...

Luv u thatha...u ll live forever in our memories.....

By,
All of ur ppl...